THE STAGES OF LOVE



Stage 1: Fantasy

 Everyone loves to be in love. When you’re in love the world looks better, colors seem brighter and you find joy in every part of life. Life is delicious and happy. But did you ever notice that for better or for worse, love changes over time.

This is because there are different and inescapable Stages Of Love. In each stage the characteristics of love will vary. There are transitions and stages of attachment and detachment, independence and dependence.

 It is interesting to note that these various stages of love are not linear. They come and go in waves throughout the relationship. With the advancement of time, there is an ebb and flow to every relationship and each of these stages can over-lap, weaving in and out of each stage at any given time.

The first stage is “The Fantasy” stage of love. This is the same love you read about in romantic novels. The passion is extraordinary in this romantic love stage. You believe your partner could not be more perfect and the infatuation is at its height. The physical attraction between you is at a peak. Your time together is magical. Everything he or she says seems brilliant and witty and everything they do is amazing. There are stars in your eyes and the release of endorphins is keeping your love in a state of bliss.

 This is clearly a time of attachment when you want to do everything together and can’t imagine your life without your partner. You want the fantasy to go on forever, but low and behold arrives the second stage.



Stage 2: Disenchantment



The second stage of love is “Disenchantment”. This is when the reality of the relationship sets in and daily life takes over. Various stages of disillusionment are highlighted and all your partner’s attributes that once seemed so perfect become imperfect. Both you and your partner want to create independence and exert your autonomy.

  This stage is characterized by numerous power struggles as each person wants to gain control over the relationship and each other. They feel they must separate and explore their individual competencies, skills and talents apart from their partner’s.

 This second stage is a time of exploration as individuals and there is a strong need to express independence and freedom. Personal identity often feels challenged. This stage is where many couples get “stuck” and consider giving up or breaking up. There is a sense of deception in that their partner did not portray who they really were in the initial stage of the relationship.

This can be a difficult time between two people and if the partnership is to succeed and move forward each person in the relationship must acknowledge their unique identity as separate and distinct from their partner’s.  Relationship survival at this stage depends on independence and individual growth.  Allowing this independent expression is healthy and important to move on to the next stage of love development.

The final Stage Of Love is called “Authentic” Love. This stage is when true healing occurs and the loving partners come together in acceptance, understanding and higher consciousness. This stage exemplifies true and unconditional love.  Both have weathered the storms and shared their happy times together and now it is time to just “be” with each other. There is a sense of satisfaction, fulfillment and peace that has survived the illusions of infatuation and the challenges of life. This is the most fulfilling, peaceful, and joyful stage of love and the one we all try to achieve.

Stage 3: Authentic Love